my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
