Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
