No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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