Cold hands, warm shart.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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