At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
