i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
