he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
