i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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