My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Randomize
