You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
MIDGETS
????
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
