i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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