The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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