He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Success! We fucked roommates!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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