So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
