In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
