I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
