Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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