After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
