just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
