i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
