Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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