Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
