If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Everyone says I win the strip club
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
