bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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