Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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