I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
