Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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