You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
