Swine flu. Run for my life!
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
