you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
