Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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