I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize