She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
