If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize