Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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