So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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