in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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