it wasn't lemon gatorade
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
