He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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