My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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