Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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