she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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