she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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