That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my being single is dangerous.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
