So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
