That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
