make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
