I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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