My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
