Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
