Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
