I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
