He kissed a someone with a penis
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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