i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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