When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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