bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
