I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I deserve this hangover.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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