Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
