real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
