I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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