Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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