About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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