dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
