I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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