my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Mom said you looked used
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
