will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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