and you said cock pushups were impossible
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
