I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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