Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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