Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
being pregnant is like rehab
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
