Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
