1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
