apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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