I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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