Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
