you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
