I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
