i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
