Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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