And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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