but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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