i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
