I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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